also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
