Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
