I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
