SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
