they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
