dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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