so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
