I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
