Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
