i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
