did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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