Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
