my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
