Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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