It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My penis needs a shock collar
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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