Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
