i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
