I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
