My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
