did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Randomize
