Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
