so explain again why im purple
no
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
