my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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