Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
