Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Pants are for mortals
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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