Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
