she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
