A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
