My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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