i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
