youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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