I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
