i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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