sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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