You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I wish there were birth control emojis
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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