that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Randomize
