In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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