she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
