yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
