I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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