Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
