Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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