ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
