Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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