I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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