Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
