Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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