And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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