...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize