I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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